Sister’s got a brand new bag
I don’t always have the most charming of personalities, in-fact one could say I’m downright awkward in public. Have you ever been in a situation where it’d just be best for you to walk away, but for some reason you can’t?
So for the holidays my sister asked if I’d join her on a shopping trip to pick up presents for our parents. I, being the most devoted son in the world jumped at this opportunity, seeing as I have absolutely no idea what my parents like. A date was set, & the plan was for us to meet up at the mall one day after work.
My instructions were simple, my sister was on the second floor of Nordstrom’s looking at purses. So I parked my car, went inside the mall, took the escalator to the second floor, & made my way to the purses. Upon my arrival I saw my sister, her back turned to me, looking at purses. But for some reason she had tried to bleach her hair. My sister & I have very dark brown hair, if there’s one thing we’re happy about inheriting from our parents it’s our nice hair. She had done this once before in college. I think it was her attempt to rebel against our parents for one reason or another.
Me “What the hell did you do to your hair?!?”
That’s when the pregnant lady, who was clearly not my sister, turned around… fuck…
Me “Wow! You are not my sister.”
Lady “I know.”
Me “… But you should take it as a compliment. Because she’s…”
Ohhh no, I’m not going to put my foot in my mouth again. I was going to say “Because she younger than you & totally not pregnant.”
Me “…Because she’s young, & very athletic (which is totally true, as she constantly proves by beating me up).”
Lady “…Ok…”
I’m a glutton for punishment, & in stressful situation I just don’t know when to quit.
Me “So, when’s the baby due?”
Lady “… No baby…”
…Fuck…
Me “Well no fruitcake for you this year. HAhah haha hahaaaaaaaa aaahhhhh… Yeah, this is awkward… I’m just going to go now…”
Lady “You should do that.”
delicate flower said,
14/01/2010 at 1:29 pm
That’s hilarious.. I got asked once, not long after actually giving birth, if I was pregnant. I wanted to slap him/her.
deathinfrance said,
14/01/2010 at 5:23 pm
Yeah, I was expecting a good slap. But I run really fast, so I wasn’t too worried.
lucentabella said,
16/01/2010 at 8:36 pm
hahahahahahahaha
deathinfrance said,
19/01/2010 at 3:24 pm
Hey Bella! Glad to see ya’ around.
Oh, as a side note to my story (just for you). It turned out that I wasn’t even in the right store.
Hungover Guy said,
26/01/2010 at 11:57 am
As much as I can understand right now, I think you’re right!
Jay-Jay said,
07/02/2010 at 2:20 pm
Long time, no comment.
What a thoroughly brilliant story. You and I appear both utterly capable of getting ourselves into sticky and fucked-up situations just like that one. Start digging until the whle is well and truly dug….
I can relate in so many ways.
deathinfrance said,
02/03/2010 at 5:09 pm
Hey JJ,
What’s up? LOL Yes, I do have a problem with digging myself deeper & deeper into uncomfortable ground.